Colossus of the Crux: A Daggerheart Actual Play Podcast
Colossus of the Crux is a new science fantasy Actual Play podcast featuring a cowboy, a cyborg, a four meter tall, three-eyed cat and whatever the hell Qualo is. Join the unflappable scrapper crew of The Rizon as they maybe save the multiverse. This podcast uses the awesome, narrative-forward Daggerheart system by Darrington Press.
Colossus of the Crux: A Daggerheart Actual Play Podcast
S1B8 Two Glitches Are Better Than One
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In this special bonus episode, some of our unflappable crew come face to face with... Themselves. Also the ship is gravely imperiled in the name of something vaguely akin to science.
Colossus of the Crux is a new science fantasy Actual Play podcast featuring a cowboy, a cyborg, a four meter tall, three-eyed cat and whatever the hell Qualo is. This podcast uses the awesome, narrative-forward *Daggerheart* system by *Darrington Press*.
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See, are you back in session? Are you doing like summer session?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, Audre is I never teach in the summer.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, like I had to take some remedial math classes, so I didn't want that to like be like a holding me back kind of thing, because like I'm kind of like in a bottleneck right now where I couldn't take other classes because I had to take the math classes first.
SPEAKER_03Stats is not remedial.
SPEAKER_00No, I I'm saying that I had to take some before I could take my dungeon studies and stats class, and I couldn't take other classes until I took dungeon studies and stats. Like I couldn't I couldn't take uh advanced wall scaling and I can't take uh doppelganger lab until I take wall scaling. But I couldn't take wall scaling until I took dungeon studies, and I can't take several other classes until I've taken wall scaling and doppelganger lab. So it was like a cascading effect. And so I was like, I need to do some like catch-up. I know a lot of people don't go to classes in the summer, or maybe they'll just take like one, but I was I was an idiot and I signed up for two classes in the summer and not just like full summer semester, like it was dungeon studies, summer A and statistics summer B. So they're like condensed six-week long courses. So what you're saying is you're a masochist.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02All right. Did we say anything funny?
SPEAKER_01Oh, uh Z uh has has some good punchins to make what Audra said very funny.
SPEAKER_03I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_05Then I believe we should do the music.
SPEAKER_01Joining me in this bonus episode are I am Bree, I play Glitch the ship's mechanic.
SPEAKER_03Hi, I'm Eugene. I play Qualo, the ship's all-around guy. Your mama's so fat. She needs a six-digit subcode. Okay. So what? That was said.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_05We find our ship's mechanic walking through the holes of their ship the horizon. Glitch. What's uh what's on your mind as you're strolling through the ship's holes?
SPEAKER_01I'm just doing a a general maintenance check. This place likes to fall apart whenever it can, so I'm taking my time to walk around, touch everything, peeking all the dark corners, make sure things are just clicking along the way they should.
SPEAKER_05Dark corners, dark corners. While you're walking and touching things, you hear something scamper and skitter behind you.
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm s I stand stuck still. That's not a normal sound. I'm looking around, trying to figure out what's going on, and place one of my hands against one of the ship's walls, see if I can feel any weird vibrations. Maybe maybe something's broken loose and is bouncing around in there.
SPEAKER_05So while you expect to feel good vibrations, instead you feel bizarre vibrations, you turn to look behind you for the skittering noise, and it's gone. But then now what was your front, your new back, you hear another noise. This a different kind of skittering sound.
SPEAKER_01I wheel around uh and I'm looking ditch? Mango?
SPEAKER_05It is indeed Stitch. Uh Stitch is making a beeline for one of the wake stabilizers.
SPEAKER_01Uh no. Stitch. Come back here.
SPEAKER_05Stitch stops and raises uh one of its articulated legs and then uh wheels its eye on you and looks genuinely perplexed.
SPEAKER_01You think you're confused. Imagine how I feel. You shouldn't be in this part of the ship right now. What are you doing down here? No, I've been here for however long I've been here. You are supposed to be back working on cleaning out the filters in the engine room.
SPEAKER_05You can hear behind you the sound of a solvent like melting through material.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that sounds depressing. I'm gonna wheel around, kneel down, and open a little maintenance hatch, and then pull a a cord, for lack of a better term, that comes out like Spider-Man out of my wrist and plug it into a panel, uh, the ship's diagnostic port, and I'm gonna start silently just scrolling through telemetry.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Uh you can sense as you're doing this that in a very rarely used bulkhead, an enormous amount of power is being drawn.
SPEAKER_01And uh again behind you, you hear Stitch say It takes me a moment to register because I'm so surprised that something's going on in uh a bulkhead that honestly I don't remember ever being in. Wake harmonics are normal, power grid is normal. Imperial particulate density fluctuating. What do you mean you took apart the wake stabilizers? What are you doing? No, you're tampering with causality.
SPEAKER_02No no no no no no no no no.
SPEAKER_01I am doing a routine maintenance tour of the ship. Let's pull it back. Forget about panicking for a second. What is the first thing that made you think taking apart the wake stabilizers would be a good idea today? Okay, let's let's just calm down. And yes, I'm talking to myself right now. Um where were you and I when I told you to do this absolutely space balls crazy thing?
SPEAKER_05It gesticulates with an articulated leg.
SPEAKER_01Good, good. When was this that I told you to do this absolutely destructive, religiously terrible idea? Wait, great. We're getting down to something. What did I look like when I was telling you to do this? And when I asked you to do this super void-brained thing, um, did I ask you to run any diagnostics before you did it? Like I always have forever since the beginning of time, space, and the sea sky. Qual okay.
SPEAKER_05Do you make your way to bulkhead 4A? 4 Alpha?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna close my eyes for a moment. Just try to regain some composure. Stitch baby. I need you to go start rebuilding those wake stabilizers. And whatever you do, do not go back near that bulkhead unless I give you specific instructions to do so. In the meantime, I'm gonna go clean up a little mess and maybe do a little clearing, a little spring cleaning, maybe throw a few things into the sea sky. I'll be right back.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Uh, as you approach bulkhead for alpha, Qualo, what does it look like inside that bulkhead right now?
SPEAKER_03So it uh looks like, you know, a typical bulkhead. It's a spherical sort of room. Got a couple of angles in it though. There's some tools lying around, some discarded pieces of metal and glass and that sort of thing. Kind of like a workshop, if someone were to have brought the workshop with them. And Glitch is standing there working on a machine. It looks a little bit like a microwave attached to a still with an antenna protrude protruding through the wall.
SPEAKER_05Okay. So Glitch, you walk up to what looks like your back working diligently on this bizarre machine. What do you do?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna stand there, feet planted, arms cross. I have so many questions right now. First of all, you know those ain't cables, right? Those are aura threads.
SPEAKER_03Well, you know that aura threads are good for channeling energy, right?
SPEAKER_01Sure. Do you honestly think that's what I look like?
SPEAKER_03So, uh, Newglitch turns around and stares at Glitch, um, looks down at herself and says, uh, yeah, this is I mean, isn't it?
SPEAKER_01Well, you're about to look like something that's been scrap spliced into a heating duck if you do not explain to me what you are doing to my ship right now.
SPEAKER_03So I drop my uncanny disguise. Mm-hmm. Go back to being myself.
SPEAKER_05So you do go back to being yourself, but uh your hair is still undercut on one side. Sure.
SPEAKER_01Uh honestly, that the haircut looks pretty good on you, I'm not gonna lie.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, well, you know, I think everything looks good on me. I'm not gonna lie. Uh, yeah, so this is um wait, do you not know what this is?
SPEAKER_01No, but I do know that we need the wake stabilizers for things like landing. So I'm wondering why my drone is dismantling them right now for you to build something terrifying.
SPEAKER_03In my defense, we're going in a straight line, and we don't really need wake stabilizers when we're going in a straight line.
SPEAKER_01Well, you're about to go in a straight line for a really long time. Okay, but eventually we the rest of us are gonna want to land. The stabilizers were healthy.
SPEAKER_03I needed the chronobulbs.
SPEAKER_01What did you need the chronobulbs for?
SPEAKER_03I needed the chronobulbs to regulate the hyper prima materia needle. Duh.
SPEAKER_01The hyper prima quality built a machine that milks reality?
SPEAKER_03Yeah!
SPEAKER_01I have so many questions. Uh none of them are helpful.
SPEAKER_03You know how essentia is valuable, right?
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, highly aware.
SPEAKER_03That doesn't matter. But you know how essentially is good for science, right?
SPEAKER_01Sure.
SPEAKER_03Okay, well that also doesn't matter. You know how I like to do things, right?
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, I'm quite aware. You know how I like the ship to work, right? Um I mean, just work in general. I like the ship to to work and not fail and transform or stop or lose life support.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_03But this is gonna make the ship better.
SPEAKER_01Anyway, how you know how is this monstrosity gonna make the ship better?
SPEAKER_03It's gonna let us harvest pure essentia.
SPEAKER_01Excuse me?
SPEAKER_03The needle goes in and extracts it, and it follows the aura threads through the distiller and the purifier, right? It removes the contaminants and they get vented uh through the uh Bose Frinken Joblers, and then uh inside the Farada calendar box. So yeah, it it uh follows the aura threads uh into the Faraday uh calendar box, and essentially, eventually you get a uh uh brick of pure essentia.
SPEAKER_05As soon as Qualo finishes this description uh and is you know motioning toward the machine, the lights of the ship dim slightly but then come back on.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, look, it's working. I'm I'm just reaching up and and rubbing my temples, and my eyes are squeezed shut. I'm gonna hate myself for saying this, but weirdly that actually makes sense.
SPEAKER_03Of course it does.
SPEAKER_01But it also makes sense that we can still land or, you know, steer or eventually do something other than go in a straight line.
SPEAKER_03We harvest the essentia first, and then we worry about that other stuff. I mean, you know, it takes care of itself. Honestly, I'm more of a holistic warrior, but Oh yeah, no, I'm a uh yeah, I'm a compartmentalized warrior.
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah. Oh, okay. Uh I am not gonna be able to stop you from doing this as much as I also hate to say that. Wow, I'm gonna have to be dealing with a lot of self-loathing this evening, but that's a later problem. How can I help you make this happen really quickly so we can put the shit back together?
SPEAKER_03Do you have a couple of chronobulbs on you? Because Stitch never brought them back.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because I can just go get them out of the supply cabinet rather than take them out of the wake stabilizers.
SPEAKER_03Well, if I I mean if you think the fact that they're not broken in won't matter, that's okay. The ones in the wake stabilizers, we know those work.
SPEAKER_01Oh, oh, it's so cute that you think anything we have on the ship isn't used. Just just try not to try not to blow yourself up. I will be right back, and I'm gonna take off full speed, Olympic track running energy towards the supply closet.
SPEAKER_05Okay. So, Qualo in your bulkhead, what's going through your mind as you're beholding your nearly complete machine?
SPEAKER_03Uh lately, uh any moment I have downtime, I start getting upset thinking about all the scrolls that were lost in the hidden library. And I'm kind of mad at everyone for not grabbing any scrolls on their way out, uh, and irritated that I was unconscious. And I don't like those feelings, and so that's that's why I've been doing all of these projects, just to avoid uh having to deal with the frustration at the loss of knowledge.
SPEAKER_05As you're having this feeling, you start absent-mindedly scratching at some of the knowledge brands that were burned into your skin as the library was exploding. Because every once in a while they itch with knowledge.
SPEAKER_03That makes me wonder. Hmm. You know, if I applied essentia to those brands, something's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_05Okay. So you have this incredibly dangerous thought, and as you do, glitch, you come wheeling back into the room with the chrono bolts. Uh, the chrono bolts and the chrono bulbs, because Qualo mentioned both of those things. And uh so you wheel in, you did. Uh, the for the listener, Qualo is saying that he only mentioned one of those. But you can go back and listen, and you'll hear that I'm right. So anyway, you peel in, and you see that uh, in addition to sort of absent-mindedly uh scratching his butt, that Qualo also has a large gold-flecked eye in the middle of his forehead.
SPEAKER_01Qualo, do I have three eyes?
SPEAKER_03Um not on your face.
SPEAKER_01Okay, why do you?
SPEAKER_03I I have three eyes?
SPEAKER_01You certainly do. Huh. Weird.
SPEAKER_03I grab the chronobulb and I attach it to the microwave machine.
SPEAKER_01Oh well, maybe touching that with your bare skin might explain why you're suddenly growing new ocular ports. Also, yeah, not there. You're creating a standing wave. Mango, quiet. Come on, come on, we're trying to focus here.
SPEAKER_03Wait, do you mean do you think an oscillating wave would be better?
SPEAKER_01Either way, just just be careful. Hold hold the housing steady. If that harmonic ring walks another millimeter to the left, you're gonna be eating the bearings.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god, you do it.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so glitch, I need you to give me a knowledge roll.
SPEAKER_01Sure thing, boss.
SPEAKER_05Glitch has come into the room with a part of a wake stabilizer and then uh hides the part of the wake stabilizer behind its back when it sees that there's uh glitch and quallo in the same room.
SPEAKER_01That is an eleven with fear.
SPEAKER_05Alright, so you manage to get the uh pieces in, uh, but I'm gonna go ahead and spend that fear. The lights to the ship completely go off for a second. And when they come back on, you hear uh in your communicator.
SPEAKER_04Um, guys, what is happening in the bulkhead 4 Alpha?
SPEAKER_01Kuala decided to make some snacks with my livelihood. Uh everything will be fine. We'll be done in a minute here, sweetheart. Don't worry.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Um, should I send Tegan or Tabitha?
SPEAKER_03Definitely not.
SPEAKER_01Only if they have mandables.
SPEAKER_03Tell tell Tabitha that Tegan is sleeping in her bunk.
SPEAKER_04Is that true, Qualo, or did you just make that up to distract me?
SPEAKER_03Do you know it's not true?
SPEAKER_05Can I go ahead and get a knowledge roll from you, Kualo? Because I assume you're still working on the machine while you're talking.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_03And I am going to spend a hope to just push some buttons. What could go wrong? Hey, Glitch! Hmm. Do you think Tabitha has fleas?
SPEAKER_01I think you have a mild case of psychosis. Uh no, she's generally pretty cleanly.
SPEAKER_03I I was sleeping in her hammock earlier. And I and I kind of dreamt that I was her, but I don't know. I I woke up a little a little itchy. Oh, you see me, you see me scratch my skin a little.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, uh, you know what that is? It's called a conscience.
SPEAKER_03That sounds like a terrible affliction.
SPEAKER_01You know, let's let's let's have a a deep and thoughtful conversation about right and wrong after we finish this, before we manage to spill, well, the entire ship's innards into the sea sky. And I'm gonna have my wrench onto my shoulder and just start using my whole body to torque a bolt closed.
SPEAKER_05Okay. As you're doing that, Koala, what'd you get? I got an 18 with fear. Awesome. I'm also gonna spend that fear immediately. So you start uh pressing buttons in uh what anyone would assume was a random order, and uh all of a sudden, again, the lights go out, and as you're torquing the bolt glitch, every once in a while you'll hit like a patch where it goes quickly, and when you do the lights come back on, and you can see that Qualo, over the course of the several seconds that this is happening, grows a full body of the smoky uh fur that Tabitha has, and then by the time you're done like fixing the bolt and the lights come all the way back on, the fur has fallen out in a pile on the floor, and the eye has come out and is also laying on the floor, and Koalo now just looks like Qualo again. And you hear at and inside of the microwave-looking device is a chunk of what looks to your eye glitch as the purest essential you have ever seen.
SPEAKER_01I really want to be excited about this, but I've entered that fun stage of hanging out with you, Koala, where my body's technically conscious, but my soul has already clocked out for the day. Can we take it apart now?
SPEAKER_03The Essentia? That I think that would be a little dangerous.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, no, no. This this was the result you wanted, right? This was the this was the whole point of putting our lives in danger. So we can we can dismantle this again, right?
SPEAKER_03I don't think our lives were ever in danger. The ship's moving. We're breathing. What do you think that eye tastes like?
SPEAKER_01I think I'm either about to pass out or punch you, so let's leave the taste test till after two. Can we wrap this up now?
SPEAKER_03Okay. But I'ma tell you right now, I am not responsible for what happens when we break this down.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you absolutely are not. You won't feel a thing.
SPEAKER_05Uh, so you hear a voice come over the intercom again.
SPEAKER_04Um, hey guys, if you don't stop doing whatever you're doing in that bulkhead, I'm gonna jettison it into the sea sky.
SPEAKER_01We're we're cleaning up right now, sweetheart. It's gonna be good as new in just a moment here, right, Qualo?
SPEAKER_03It's gonna be better than you. Because you're good at your job. And I I grab my chunk of Essentia, probably less carefully than Glitch would like. Uh I am careful to live to leave a little piece inside of the Farrak Calendar box uh for her. And then I walk out. You're gonna do a great job breaking this down.
SPEAKER_05Glitch, you are alone with the machine.
SPEAKER_01I just I walk up to it and I press my cheek against the side of the the ship. I say, I'm sorry, baby. We're all going back to normal now. Don't worry. Mangle! Stitch! Come quickly, bring tools.
SPEAKER_05So they do indeed. They rush into the room. Uh, tools in their various uh claws and appendages.
SPEAKER_01And as we're pulling everything apart, I notice this little chip of Essentia sitting in the container. I very carefully, without saying anything. Maybe, maybe, maybe cracking a little bit of a smile. Pocket it.
SPEAKER_05Okay. And with that, we're gonna end this week's episode. A special thanks to our sound team, to Darrington Press for creating Daggerheart, the awesome game we're playing, and to our incredible fans. Don't forget to like, subscribe, comment, five stars, follow the whole thing. It's the number one way to help our show. Classes of the Crux is part of the Witch Key March universe. If you're interested in playing in any of the associated games, you can find them on startplaying.games. You can also join us on our Discord or follow us on Instagram. Links are in the doobly doo. And we will see you next week.
SPEAKER_03She's so fat. Flat Earthers don't think she's a globe. What do you think?