Colossus of the Crux: A Daggerheart Actual Play Podcast
Colossus of the Crux is a new science fantasy Actual Play podcast featuring a cowboy, a cyborg, a four meter tall, three-eyed cat and whatever the hell Qualo is. Join the unflappable scrapper crew of The Rizon as they maybe save the multiverse. This podcast uses the awesome, narrative-forward Daggerheart system by Darrington Press.
Colossus of the Crux: A Daggerheart Actual Play Podcast
S1B7 Shopping at Blazer's Best
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This is post Season 1 Bonus Episode! Our unflappable crew does some much needed shopping at a rest area at the edge of the Empyrean!
Colossus of the Crux is a new science fantasy Actual Play podcast featuring a cowboy, a cyborg, a four meter tall, three-eyed cat and whatever the hell Qualo is. This podcast uses the awesome, narrative-forward *Daggerheart* system by *Darrington Press*.
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Hashtag just poncho things. Hashtag poncho life.
SPEAKER_06It just says if you can't handle me my root nest, you don't deserve me at my tootiness.
SPEAKER_07Dude, save this stuff for the recording.
SPEAKER_03Start the music.
SPEAKER_07Hi, I'm Bree.
SPEAKER_09I play Glitch, the ship's mechanic. Hi, I'm Tabitha, and I play the ship's uh quartermaster.
SPEAKER_06Garrett, I play Teague and St. James, trying my best to be the ship's pilot.
SPEAKER_01Hey, I'm Eugene, and I play Qualo, the ship's science officer. And I like building houses out of egos and putting maple syrup on my Lego.
SPEAKER_00What? Okay.
SPEAKER_03Every time.
SPEAKER_06What are you coming at me with?
SPEAKER_03I think every time Qualo has introduced his character, he's always said that he's the science officer, like he's asking us. I noticed it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06There's always questioning up in his voice like science officer.
SPEAKER_03Guys, am I the science officer? Okay, uh, so I will let the listeners know, and I should have said this before we started recording, this is a B-side. This episode, while technically canon, uh, is not required listening if you want to follow the show. So if you don't like B-sides, you don't want to hear us rambling, uh then you should not listen to this episode. And I will also warn you, the content of the episode will be a shopping episode. It's shopping time. This takes place chronologically after uh the Ryzen was limping away from the archive of legend after the battle with Hush and the saving of Glampweasel. So, the ship was badly damaged and in need of repair. And you all plot the course to the nearest place that you can dock in order to do some emergency repairs to the ship, as uh it was venting uh fuel and fluid, uh some of which was Slim Jimmy's sentient leak. Yeah. So you all plot a course to, like I said, the nearest place, and uh Tegan, what is the name of the nearest place out at the edge of the Empyrean? This is like the last chance uh station. What's it what's it called?
SPEAKER_06Uh so it's uh it's called Blazer's Best, and it's the equivalent of an Empyrean truck stop. Like multi-lane, you know, kinda dirty, but it's got everything that the that core blazers need.
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah. Uh so it it you know advertises in uh like a bold sign that there are showers uh available.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. And it's like the advertisements are way further away than you think they should be. Like remember, in another, you know, 240, you know, whatever's another blazer best, last chance to get, you know, I don't know, fried chicken or something.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and they have uh what is it? They advertise that there are uh like viewing telescopes that you can see all the way to the uh supernal uh from from this station. So, uh you all pull into this dock station and it is it is a rough landing. And they have like a repair dock that's pretty greasy looking. There are other like busted core blazers that have uh dock gear. And Josephine has a hard time like getting the ship to land in like uh you know in the the bay.
SPEAKER_10There we go.
SPEAKER_03So uh you guys like into the bay, and you see a uh person come up with a glitch. What does the mechanic who approaches you guys look like?
SPEAKER_07The mechanic is a Qatari, but in the absolute opposite way that our own dear half Qatari is, uh like an absolute alley cat, just sort of thin and lanky and incredibly greasy pink fur with sallow eyes uh and large bags in a very, very large oversized ball cap. Not something that seems to be chewing. You can't really tell what it is. It might be a fruit or a scar or a finger.
SPEAKER_10Okay. It's fantastic.
SPEAKER_03Alright, so this Guitari is gonna wander over. Um and uh she'll have like a little name tag and like embroidered on her outfit uh that says Sam on it.
SPEAKER_06So all all I'm picturing is like a really uh like like post-apocalyptic version of the Hannah Barbera cartoon snaggle puss. It's like pink Atari looks beat to shit, and I'm like, oh yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_07So dystopian snaggle puss.
SPEAKER_03So yeah, uh, as the uh bay doors open, the uh scientists are going to or have you untied the scientists or are they still tied up? I don't think we've got to.
SPEAKER_07Maybe one of you has.
SPEAKER_06No. Giving them some money. Spoon fed him some gruel or something, some slim Jimmy's cooking.
SPEAKER_03As soon as the bay doors open, they're all going to begin screaming for help.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, we're captive! Oh, we haven't eaten uh barely anything in weeks, please help us.
SPEAKER_03Uh Sam is going to ignore them totally. Yes. Uh so who's in charge of this tub, yeah? Uh yeah. I'll look to Tegan.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it's close enough to me. I'm the pilot, anyways.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, she's uh she's pretty banged up, yeah. That's a that's a pretty big crack you got in there. That's uh ooh. Ooh.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, we ran into a bit of a rough patch out there in the sea sky. So you'll look at it. What what do you think just to keep her from, you know, leaking versus what it's gonna take to get her back up.
SPEAKER_03So Sam is gonna suck her teeth a little bit, and she'll open her mouth, and you will see the thing she's chewing on is alive and actively trying to escape her mouth. Uh, but she's got its tail in her molars, and so it like scrambles a little bit at the edge of her mouth, and then she like and pulls it back into uh her cheek. Oh yeah. Uh well, just to get her moving again. Well, who that's gonna be I don't know, two two handfuls of uh gold there, yeah, I think so.
SPEAKER_06Oh why don't you guys head on in? We'll we'll get to the the Dickran. And I kinda pulled Sam off the side, and we start to like point at stuff, and you know, and I start trying to like, you know, complain about the price and everything like that, but you know, she's got me dead to rights, so I'm gonna have to pay whatever she tells me to pay.
SPEAKER_03Alright. Tabitha, when you come down the ramp, uh Sam is going to, without stopping to uh end the bartering with Tegan, she's going to uh offer you a tin that's like the top of it is like a cage with these uh weird sort of uh half mice, half worm creatures. And she's gonna offer you one.
SPEAKER_09I uh I tell her thank you. And I like hold out I hold out my bowl of soup that I'm eating so that I can like she can like dunk one into there for me, and then I offer her to like you know, get the flavor of my broth onto the one that she's actively chewing on.
SPEAKER_06Oh god.
SPEAKER_09Uh so that she can get Yeah, and then dips it into my bowl so and then puts it back into her mouth as like a trade.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Uh so do you do you leave yours in your soup or do you do you start like just uh munching on it in your mouth?
SPEAKER_09Oh, it's it like as soon as she dropped it in the soup into the soup before it could paddle its way to the edge of the bowl, because it's a big bowl, right? Um, I just go like that.
SPEAKER_03Fantastic. So it's like a a noodle that you never have to like finish swallowing. That's fantastic. Alright, so Tegan is arguing with Sam, uh, and you guys are gonna wander into Blazer's best. Uh Clamp Weasel is in tow, and so is Slim Jimmy if you let him. I will also say Josephine, uh uh, as you guys were wandering in, she had put her hand against the glass and she said, Tegan.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, as soon as I'm done deckering with uh Sam, uh I'm gonna go back into the Ryzen uh and I am going to actually try to get Josephine out of the tube uh and into that like uh little blue dress I bought her.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Okay, alright. Alright, so uh you you do get her out of the tube and you do have to like help her um uh move, right? Like you have to support her weight because she's uh too weak to to carry her own weight very well. So you all go in. Uh Glamp Weasel, like I said, isn't towed. Do you let Slim Jimmy come with you?
SPEAKER_09Is it the Sabbath?
SPEAKER_03No, it's it's not it's not the Sabbath anymore. Slim Jimmy is quite the negotiator. I can get you the best prices.
SPEAKER_06He's a practiced hobo. He's used to getting people to give him money for nothing, so I mean yeah.
SPEAKER_01Maybe he could help Tabitha restock the food stocks.
SPEAKER_03I don't want his opinion on uh So as you guys wander in, uh Glampweasel is going to say, uh, so y'all saved my life. Uh and uh I I I owe you more than one. Uh and he'll cast his eyes down. Anyway, uh I you know leave me with a handful of gold so I can go get a stiff drink, but uh if you want, I can I can front you a little scratch. He can what to my what? He can front you a little scratch.
SPEAKER_06Uh I will take you know something going like, uh Lambert, thank you kindly. That's it's appreciated right now.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Uh did you want to Tegan make a roll to see if you can negotiate down the price from Sam to do the repair? Yeah, I do. Alright, give me that presence true. Also, the scientists are still screaming as the uh hall door closes. So you hear their like screams getting like muffled.
SPEAKER_06Um they're still tied up back there, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Okay, good. Um I'll let everyone else know that like as soon as we leave here, my intention is to like cut them loose and maroon them on this truck stop. Uh but right now I just don't want them messing with us anything. It's like tied up. But I'm gonna problems Killigan Islands and then on a and a truck stop.
SPEAKER_03Oh yes, also um you guys in the previous B-side had leveled up, so you have all the bad and you've had a chance to rest, so you have your memories back.
SPEAKER_06So for the presence roll, I got a 19 with hope.
SPEAKER_03Uh god dang. Uh so you you talk her to get the hope, and then you talk her to one bag.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_03Hell yeah. That's the lowest I can do, yeah? I mean, we're talking like parts here. I'm not even charging you for labor. Because I like ya. Uh, she's gonna put one of her fingers in your mouth.
SPEAKER_06I'll be like, uh thank I uh I'll get it out and be like, wait. Why does that taste like strawberries?
SPEAKER_03Uh she'll she'll pull out the thing that's in her mouth that's like scrambling and give you a wink and then put act in her mouth.
SPEAKER_06Okay, like that's um as like I I like give her like a nod, like, okay, uh good go do business with you, and I think with Josephine on my arm, take her into the truck stop.
SPEAKER_03Uh her eyes are gonna narrow at the uh strange gesture, and uh Josephine will will say, Um Tegan, was she was she flirting with you just now?
SPEAKER_00Because I I think that was very inappropriate to uh to flirt with you.
SPEAKER_06Um yeah, uh honestly, there's far out here, I don't even know. Uh but I'm assuming that like her her head like tracks the woman like an owl. Yes, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_00You she's not your type, right, right, Tegan?
SPEAKER_06No, no, no, no. Don't no don't worry about that. Let's let's get you inside.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Uh cool, cool, cool. Um as you move inside, the uh Empyrean out here, whereas deeper in uh it's got a lot of those like shifting blue and purple hues. Uh here, a lot of the purple uh has faded completely, and now it's shifting blue and and almost yellow just uh just uh above white is uh is like the main color of the sky, and it's kind of abrasive, right? So you get her out of the like uh harsh, uh uh ever-present omnidirectional light of the uh sea sky out here. Uh so uh inside the uh Blazer's bla uh Blazer's best let's do Qualo. Qualo, what does it look like when you walk in?
SPEAKER_01It looks like a fever dream of knick-nacks, items, of all makes and model food, clothing, miscellaneous electronic gear, basically anything a person inside of a vehicle could possibly need within arm's reach is available for purchase here. All of it branded with the Blazer's best mascot.
SPEAKER_04What what is that mascot?
SPEAKER_01It's Blazer, the fire lizard. Frilled lizard, whose colors are red and orange and yellow, like a bright yellow and a bright red, and a day glow orange. And so everything is is branded that way. Sometimes the frills are out and it's just the thing's face, sometimes it's the whole body, and the frills are in and all that sort of stuff, and they have some fun with it.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Uh, and glitch, this is the most important question uh about this place. What does it smell like when you walk in?
SPEAKER_07It smells strangely industrial and sickly sweet. And if sticky had a scent, that's what it would smell like.
SPEAKER_03So it smells like uh engine grease and candied fuzz nuts?
SPEAKER_07It smells like engine grease, ozone, and candied fuzz nuts, yes.
SPEAKER_03Okay. And you can see they have a large like uh dip your own bin of candied fuzz nuts with like the big scoop.
SPEAKER_09Yep.
SPEAKER_03And there's a picture of like a blazer, the the frilled lizard, like scooping some.
SPEAKER_07With a just ridiculous smile.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Don't forget a helping of the blazon blazer sauce.
SPEAKER_05Blazon blazer. Oh, on the candy. On the candy puzzles. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Uh mild, medium, hot, and extra blazon.
SPEAKER_03You you can also see that there's a rack of uh wizard fingers. Uh, like right next to the the register. Tabitha, who Tabitha, who is running the uh the register in this gigantic emporium of excess?
SPEAKER_08It's gonna be like a really effeminate and peppy giant.
SPEAKER_09Um I hate you guys so much. And he's just so friendly and like trying to like welcome everybody in here, but like it's a it's a trucker stop, so like most of the dudes are like, you know, like ignoring him and everything. And but like, you know, whenever whenever we come in there, like I give this guy like a hearty like like grasp thing, you know, not like a handshake, but the like the forearm grab shake thing.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, yeah, the like salute to arms sort of sort of handshake thing.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_09I mean and I'll I'll tell him that I love his outfit. He's he's like dressed very like clean and neat and like way too nice for this place.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, I like yours too. That color looks so good on your fur. Why did he turn into tummy white so? Why? What did you want an effeminate giant to sound like in a place where we already established they have a kind of Midwest accent? I wasn't fucking expecting Tommy by so.
SPEAKER_05I am sorry. Okay, well, this is you, and by you I mean Tabitha Gates. I love it.
SPEAKER_09I'm here for it.
SPEAKER_06You cannot park here, you cannot.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I love it. Try the fudge, the blazer's fudge, it's so good. I will. And you can see that they have uh the fudge in various sizes, but one of the sizes is a one-meter cube of fudge. Can I have that one? Oh yeah, if you pay for it, we can wheel it out. How much is it? Uh, this one? Oh, this is a whole handful of gold. Done. Oh my god! So actually, we need to figure out how much money you guys have, right? So I don't know how much you started with because you guys are are pretty broke, I imagine.
SPEAKER_09Uh I have three handfuls of gold right now.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_06I'm very broke, so.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So Clamp Weasel will give you guys uh well, he'll give you guys two D4 handfuls of gold, uh minus one sorry, two D4 bags of gold, minus one handful, so he can get a drink. Uh at the uh blazon bar. So there's a little bar that's built into uh one side of this place, so there's like a fountain drink stand, and then continuous with the fountain drinks is like a bar that has uh stools. Uh and they have like a uh Blazer's Blazon shot that you can get, and then like a bunch of like craft beers that are all like brewed in Blazer's best. Um yes. Did somebody roll 2d4 yet?
SPEAKER_09I think that's that just got rolled. Yeah, I did. And it was really bad.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it was three. It was a one out of two.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so uh he's like, ah, sorry, most of my money fell out in the sea sky.
SPEAKER_03Oh! Oh my god, this is so important. Uh, I forgot to mention that uh glitch. While Clampweasel was out in the sea sky, uh he was unmade slightly. So for the listeners, uh being out in the sea sky and subjected to raw possibility causes you to mutate if you're out too long. Uh Glitch, in what way was Glampweasel mutated?
SPEAKER_07Glampweasel looks exactly the same, except that he now has Glitch's face, which she is. Deeply distressed. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05No.
SPEAKER_09That would make him really hard to look at.
SPEAKER_07Like he still has the same voice. And it's still the same, like, kind of sickly green colored skin, all of it. Except that like it's almost like a really bad, um, like a bad Photoshop job where someone's just overlaid her facial features over his. Almost 2D.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Okay. Is it like a bad like lathex math of well?
SPEAKER_07Like a like a really bad GIF.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Nightmare fuel. Nightmare fuel. So uh but Josephine will turn to Clampweasel and be like, Clampweasel, have I ever told you how much I love your eyes?
SPEAKER_00Such beautiful eyes.
SPEAKER_03Uh Glampweasel is not aware of the change yet. And so Clamp Weasel's gonna be like, uh, thank you.
SPEAKER_04I don't know if I get this kind of attention from non goblin, so. Uh, still got it! Uh he's gonna trot off to the bar.
SPEAKER_03You're gonna hear the bartender go, uh. Okay, alright, so you guys have whatever uh gold you had, plus um two bags and nine handfuls, and um any other source of income that you can think to convince me you have. Uh and so here's the the mini game we're gonna play, right? What's gonna happen is everything tier one you can find here. Uh if it comes to a tier two object, or you know, uh gear or whatever, you're gonna roll a D12, and on a three or higher, they have it. But if you roll a one or a two, they don't. Uh and then they have uh tier one, tier two, uh, and tier three uh loot. So if you want something from the loot table, you can find tier one, tier two, or tier three loot.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Um, I will go to Qualo. And say, hey, uh Qualo, you you don't happen to be able to spot me any money, would you? Um, you mean give you money, not money on you?
SPEAKER_01Spot the money is a fun game. I can play spot the money.
SPEAKER_06No, I meant could you could you loan me a little bit until we could pull the port.
SPEAKER_01Oh, um sure. Uh I I give them the two handfuls of gold that I've got. Okay.
SPEAKER_03I I will say who paid the handful of gold for the ship repair?
SPEAKER_07Litch paid that one.
SPEAKER_03Okay, cool. Uh so what kind of things do you want to find here in the Blazer's Vest?
SPEAKER_06Uh well after the you know, the the big combat, you know, chronologically, uh Keegan's armor is pretty shredded. Um so he's looking for something to like, you know, get back, you know, maybe improve some armor. So I'm I'm wandering over to, you know, whatever I can get as far as armor goes.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Remember to to make the roll, but if you succeed on the roll, it will be there. Uh I will also say, Tabitha, did you actually buy the meter cube of fudge?
SPEAKER_08Nah, not before tasting it. I need a sample.
SPEAKER_03Okay. What'd you roll, Tegan? Roll the two. And that was for the improved Gambison? Yep. Bad news, guys. Uh the the improved Gambison rack uh has a sold-out sign. And uh the sold-out sign has like a uh sad blazer on it. Like frowning. He's got like making a drug. Alright, what next?
SPEAKER_06The dream of matching ponchos is for another day, I guess.
SPEAKER_03I mean, it's all time. We got uh what 90 more episodes to film? 90 more episodes to record.
SPEAKER_08Is there any improved chain mail?
SPEAKER_03Roll a D12.
SPEAKER_08A seven?
SPEAKER_03There is indeed improved chain mail.
SPEAKER_08How much does it cost? I guess.
SPEAKER_03It's gonna be a handful. And there is a picture of Blazer emblazoned on the chest.
SPEAKER_06Was it a handful or a bag?
SPEAKER_03Oh, sorry, it's a bag, it's a bag. Thank you. Uh, for the clarification. Uh, and it's going to um what is it? Blazer is in a hot tub. Like lounging in the hot tub on the I like the print on the improved chainmail.
SPEAKER_08How much gold do we have in total again?
SPEAKER_06Uh, we have got 3.1. Are you taking one of the the bags for the armor?
SPEAKER_08Only if it's okay with the rest of the team. Like, I don't want to like get something nice and then the rest of you aren't able to afford anything new.
SPEAKER_06You're gonna tell you.
SPEAKER_01Now we need to tank your main tank.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_01The main person for responsible for keeping us alive. Do we want them to be able to take more damage? Hmm. I don't know. You are their shield. You are our shield. Okay.
SPEAKER_08That's true.
SPEAKER_01How much does acid paste cost?
SPEAKER_03Uh is it tier one, two, or three?
SPEAKER_01It's it's a consumable.
SPEAKER_03What is the uh number?
SPEAKER_06Uh okay, so it's number 36.
SPEAKER_03It's gonna be three handfuls.
SPEAKER_01Three handfuls. Oh, okay. That can be I would like that if I could find it. Roll these ball have you said? Uh, yes, please. 11. Yep, it's there. I am gonna grab an acid paste. So they have a hot sauce station. And actually, uh they you know, an item like acid paste would be way too dangerous to sell at a truck stop, obviously, right? Uh we want to be realistic in our anatomy game. But since I'm the science officer, I realized uh I looked at the list of ingredients and I realized a couple things. And I went to the soda station and hit a couple nozzles and then went back to the hot sauce station and hit a couple more nozzles, and the concoction had to be quickly lided and uh closely monitored. But it is effectively exactly the same as acetate.
SPEAKER_03At the end of the like line of hot sauces, there's like a section that's like for inorganic creatures only.
SPEAKER_01Yep. The spoons that they use to mix that they start slowly being deteriorated over time and it just become nubs. Glitch, you're up.
SPEAKER_07Glitch makes her way over to a sticky, humming soda cooler. It is full of bottles, half of which glow. Um, a few seem to be warm for no reason, and there is a potentially strange electronic voice that seems to be coming out of the cooler itself. Uh, available brands are Nebula Sprite, which lists itself as aggressively carbonated. Flavors are cryo lime, ion mint, and static bites. It is known for making your sinuses feel like hyperspace. It hurts, but in a useful way. They also have void light amp in stock. It is pitch black and it glows that essentia purple flavors being photon lemon and bitter vacuum. Starcoil Max is the Blazer brand. It is the bursted version of Starcoil found everywhere. Uh in the Sea Sky flavors are Ozone Fig and Reactor Citrus. It has the title text on it contains stellar caffeinate. Uh, and at the very back there is one sad bottle that's slightly sticky. It looks like the lid is cracked of coolant blue. Uh the bottle itself is shaped like a fuel cell, and the flavor is polymer vanilla with the warning, not actual coolant written across it.
SPEAKER_03Okay. I'm not gonna make you roll to see if those are in there. Uh that description was uh divine.
SPEAKER_07Wait till we get to the candy aisle. Um so uh what I'm gonna I think Yeah, is uh which health potions these relate to.
SPEAKER_03I I will let you do I I would have if I had to repeat what you just said, I I wouldn't be able to do it.
SPEAKER_07So just how many she can grab.
SPEAKER_03Uh oh I mean you can grab as many as you can afford.
SPEAKER_07Alright. Alright, Glitch is gonna turn around. She is looking hungrily into the bizarre cooler, and she'll shout at Kualo over her shoulder. How much money do we have left? I spent all mine on the ship.
SPEAKER_01What do I look like? The quartermaster? I mean, I'm asking, am I the quartermaster?
SPEAKER_07Glitch looks around. She doesn't see Tabitha anywhere. Well, Quartermaster's not here, so he looks like the bank with all that gold.
SPEAKER_06You can't have my eyes. I saw her going back to the ship to try on the new armor she just bought.
SPEAKER_07She just she just shrugs.
SPEAKER_06Um we got a we got a bag and eight hands.
SPEAKER_07Well, we could use a few of these for the road, so I'm gonna go ahead and grab two of the generic Starcoil Max and that bottle of coolant blue, which would be two health potions and one major health potion.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_07For a total of five five handfuls.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Uh, Slim Jimmy's gonna sidle up and be like, I told you I could help you get a discount.
SPEAKER_07Well, you haven't helped with anything else on this trip, so this would be a really good time to prove that.
SPEAKER_06Jim, uh why why don't you try to help us with that? Um you can see maybe you can talk to the the the cashier. Maybe we can get a like a uh discount on those energy drinks.
SPEAKER_03Maybe. Uh he will take them all in his arms, right? Um, and then he will be walking toward the register, and then he will slip the energy drinks uh in his jacket and he will walk out.
SPEAKER_06Okay, wasn't expecting that. That was not the discount I was expecting.
SPEAKER_07Glitch is gonna look with like have a surprised look of admiration on her face all of a sudden.
SPEAKER_03And he timed it such that the cashier did not see him. So he he's in the wind. Okay.
SPEAKER_07Okay, maybe he's not totally useless. Oh and with that she shuffles over to the candy rack.
SPEAKER_01Son of a bitch stole my thunder. Hey, I walk up to um to Josephine. Mm-hmm. Hey, Yosefine, I want to play Spot the Loot. Can you point something out in the store that you think is really cool?
SPEAKER_03Um, I I would love to do that. Uh she's going to turn to you, Tegan, and she's gonna say, um, I'm gonna go with Qualo for a bit if that's okay.
SPEAKER_06Uh and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's that's fine. You go with, you know, that's let's like I get her arm off of my shoulder and I sling her over Qualo because she can't walk.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Okay. Yeah, uh I I backpack her.
SPEAKER_06You're like, hold on, spider monkey.
SPEAKER_01She's she's she's half bungrel. She can't weigh very much.
SPEAKER_03So she looks half bungrel. You don't know what she actually is.
SPEAKER_01Well, anyway, yeah, I give her a horsey ride.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So, um, you gave her a horsey ride. What did you want her to find for you?
SPEAKER_01Whatever she thinks looks like loot.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Um, while she's doing this, uh, she's gonna go, um, hi Gualo. I I actually I I could use your help as well. Sure. What you need. Uh she's going to weekly motion toward the uh cosmetics counter. Mm-hmm. Uh, and go, um, you you know a bit about fashion? Um, do you do you think you could help me out?
SPEAKER_01I gesture to my clothes of many cultures, and I said, I know everything about fashion. Absolutely I can help you out. What kind of look are we are we looking for? Dusky surprise or like uh blazing harlot?
SPEAKER_00Um, well, what do you think uh a ship pilot might like?
SPEAKER_01Oh, for fuck's sake. I think a ship pilot might like um Blazing Harlot? Down home I I think you know what? I think uh uh a ship pilot would like down home comfort. Um I trust your I trust your judgment. Okay. So uh yeah, I'm gonna go over to the cosmetics line. So what what would what would you say her bass tone is? Is it like a green or like a white?
SPEAKER_03I will say that you have noticed, as you guys have been here, uh that her skin is like dried out a little bit. And she's gone from that like white green, uh, and now her skin has like uh start to turn gray.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So I'm gonna start with a moisturizing foundation. Sorry. Uh in in a kind of pearlescent tone. I think we'll will offset her the green and the white nicely. And then we're gonna go with some cool colors uh for the eyes uh and uh and general, you know, the more obvious stuff, but just a hint of like a cinnamon warmth on the cheeks. Uh I think that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_06I love how how much Z is into this.
SPEAKER_01I mean, what? I'm just saying.
SPEAKER_06No, it's really good. I'm just I didn't expect it.
SPEAKER_03For the listener, uh Z is uh the colloquial term for Eugene.
SPEAKER_01Yep. I also happen to be the advisor for my college's fashion club. So, you know.
SPEAKER_03Uh also, as you guys pass by it on your way to the cosmetic stand, she'll point out the bladed whip as a uh pretty cool looking piece of gear.
SPEAKER_00I always thought if if I was a fighter, I I would use that. I played a lot of Soul Calibur, and I think it's uh pretty pretty good.
SPEAKER_01Okay. That gives me an idea. He says, not mysteriously at all. Uh, how much is the makeup? And who's at the counter?
SPEAKER_03Uh the makeup's gonna be uh I don't know, man. It's gonna be uh uh uh a handful to to do the like Sephora style, like they do her makeup for her kind of thing. Okay.
SPEAKER_06Can it be the same cashier that just slides over to a different station?
SPEAKER_03Alright, sure. Uh so the the giant is gonna come over uh and swap hats with like a different hat. This one's like the Avon like circular cap. So what were we thinking? Maybe something uh down home country, maybe?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Down home comfort. Down home comfort. Alright. That's good. More more salt of the earth and less rustic. You know what I'm you know what I'm going for.
SPEAKER_03Ooh, oh yeah. Match the skin tones. So good. Um, so glitch wanders over to the candy. This episode's getting very long for a B-Size, so we're gonna wrap it up soon. Uh yes, uh, Glitch, did you you wanted to buy some candy here?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, Glitch's main food source is candy and caffeine. Um so she's just gonna uh snag a batch each of static strips in Arc Spark Apple. It says the treat that bites back. Uh there's a small jar of Glow Shard Goobers, which are glowing crystal candies that have the warning not actual Essentia on them, uh, and the tagline fake light, real joy. And the last thing she would grab is a paper sack of torque toffies, which are just vacuum-sealed dull brown slabs that aren't very interesting looking uh in a flavor called peanut alloy. But the branding is when hunger attacks, counter-attack.
SPEAKER_06I could have sworn you were gonna say peanut allergy was the the flavor on it.
SPEAKER_07And that would have been so much better.
SPEAKER_03Um peanut alloy is pretty fantastic.
SPEAKER_06That's great.
SPEAKER_07Uh and then and then she's uh as she's sort of self-satisfied grabbing them, she looks over at the slab of fudge and picks it up. The slab the the slab of fudge that Tabitha was looking at, looks around to see if anyone sees her and picks it up.
SPEAKER_03The meter cube of fudge? Well, if she can lift it. I I mean, with both hands and a little bit of help.
SPEAKER_06It comes with its own carry handles.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's a it's that's definitely a two-person carry here.
SPEAKER_07She no, she looks at the clerk and she's like, is there any way to get a slice of this?
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, we definitely have samples.
SPEAKER_07Right. Can uh yeah, can I get one of those?
SPEAKER_03Okay. Uh you get like the little uh toothpick.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03It's a toothpick with a foot square uh clutch.
SPEAKER_07Uh she she looks up, as she as she takes it, she looks up to see her crewmates looking or she just she shrugs, she's what?
SPEAKER_06I mean nothing.
SPEAKER_07Tabitha did real real good back there. She deserves this.
SPEAKER_01I'm not gonna argue. I'm gonna walk out with Josephine and nod for Tegan to head out. Like, hey, we seriously, we have to get out of here soon. While the shop guy is distracted with the fudge thing, I'm gonna pick up um a nice escreama, uh a nice yeah, security baton that they have, which will uh replace my escreama stick, and I'm just gonna lift it. Finestral.
SPEAKER_03Uh you will, if you will, if you give me first a D12 roll to see if it's even there, he assumeth.
SPEAKER_07I love how our shopping trip has turned into a shoplifting trip. I feel like this is really on brand.
SPEAKER_01Do I get anything for rolling a 12?
SPEAKER_03Uh actually you do, they're BOGO, but you're not trying to buy it, so. But I had pr I had internally in my head, so if anybody rolled a 12, they were BOGO.
SPEAKER_01Oh. Well, you have the money. Oh, okay. Well, because yeah, because I can then I can then upgrade my my small dagger too. Um then yeah, that seems FOILed by FOILed by the market forces.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, foiled by good value and and and promotionals. Uh okay, I'll mark the other bag off for those.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03Uh there's a uh thing above it, a little ad that shows uh what is it, uh, Blazer with like Escrima sticks of Kimbo, and it says double the damage, half the price.
SPEAKER_06Um I've got I've got a thing I'd like to do before we we wrap up.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_06Uh so uh while this is happening, Tegan's found his way over to like the uh, you know, um the little gotcha games and stuff. And uh in uh in in one of the claw machine games, there is a gun that he's been eyeing, uh like a like a like a revolver pistol. And so he's been just slowly feeding coins in trying to get this damn thing out.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna say it's gonna be a very high finesse roll, but should you succeed the finesse roll, you will get the the item for free. Okay.
SPEAKER_07I mean, can I give him a hope or something to help with this role? How does he tell me how he really needs it? Well, Glitch is gonna go over there and uh sort of casually shove her plasma spanner into the port on the side of the machine. Giving it a little extra.
SPEAKER_06Give it a little jolt.
SPEAKER_07Yep. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Um also, hold on. Hold on. I'm also gonna spend the hope. Hopefully, give them the upgraded advantage uh advantage by. And uh, as I'm walking along, I'm gonna use my brand new experience. Just push some buttons. What could go wrong? And I'm gonna Okay. Hit a couple extra buttons that he wouldn't normally have hit because they're not a rational sequence of buttons to hit.
SPEAKER_03Okay. To the listeners, as a house rule that we saw online that I think is pretty cool, uh, we do allow multiple helps, which the base rolls do allow, but rather than uh multiple d6s uh to take the highest, instead it upgrades the d6 to the next higher die. So d8, uh, d10, d12, depending on the number of people who are helping. So, Tegan, if you want to roll a d8 along with your roll.
SPEAKER_06Um, well, I think it would only be fair if Koalo rolled that d8 for us. Okay. And then I would like to spend a hope and add my new experience to it, because I don't actually understand the instructions of this game, and so I'd like to add weaponized illiteracy.
SPEAKER_03If this wasn't a B-side, I would not allow this. But I I'm going to allow it. I'm going to allow it because this is supposed to be inconsequential. But next time you will not just be like, I don't understand, so I get plus two.
SPEAKER_07It makes so much sense.
SPEAKER_03It literally is the opposite. It literally does not make any sense.
SPEAKER_07But I don't understand. Therefore.
SPEAKER_06Alright, I'm making the I'm making the rule.
SPEAKER_03Who who who's like, uh, I I misunderstand the instructions on a claw machine so much that
SPEAKER_05I just love it. It's a 21 with hope.
SPEAKER_03Alright.
SPEAKER_06I don't understand the directions.
SPEAKER_03It's like the ship and the there are no directions on the claw machine. It's a joystick and a fucking button.
SPEAKER_02Anyway.
SPEAKER_03Whatever. You get the revolver out of a vending machine, out of a claw machine. Um yeah, it it has a wording on it in several languages that says real revolver.
SPEAKER_06Which would be great if I could read.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_03If you'd rolled with fear, it was gonna be a plastic toy revolver.
SPEAKER_06Oh god, that'd have been funny. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um Yeah, you get a real a real upgraded revolver out of the machine.
SPEAKER_06I love it. Um so I'm I'm riding high on that. Uh and like the rest like of the thing, I want to try to get the the crew together just so that we can all have like a meal at the truck stop diner. Okay. Um, and a couple of rounds of drinks, and then I'm gonna put a uh a coin or two into whatever passes for a jute box. I'm imagining it's like a just a clank with a bunch of uh musical instruments strapped to his body.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_06Uh and I wanna I wanna have a slow dance with with Yosefine.
SPEAKER_03Aww! Awwww! Awww! Awwww. Okay. Uh so what is the song you guys? Oh, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01When I hand her off to him, uh, I whisper in his ear that she really needs to get back in her tube, and I, you know, gesture to the skin on her arm since she has makeup on.
SPEAKER_06Okay. And he'll he'll nod and be like, uh-uh no, we'll just I'm gonna give her this one.
SPEAKER_03Um, Tegan, when you when you have her in your arms, um a couple things are gonna happen. But first, well actually no, let's do the let's do the song first. What is the song that uh you guys slow dance to?
SPEAKER_06Uh it's gonna be a riff on uh slow dancing in a burning room, and it's gonna be slow dancing in a blazing room.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god, that's so good. I thought you were gonna say Lady and Blaze.
SPEAKER_05Lady and Blaze She's playing his end with me.
SPEAKER_03Uh, cool. Alright, so you you slow dance with her. Uh, fantastic, fantastic. Uh, and she like lays her head deeply on your shoulder. Uh, from the back of the room, uh, you all can hear the uh cashier be like, oh, that's so sweet. Um uh cool. You guys get some food, you get the dance in, uh then you head out.
SPEAKER_06Yep. Uh on the way out, we make sure Clamp Weasel's with us, and uh before we depart and Sam's got the ship stitched up, uh I kick the scientists out the backhatch, and I'm like, man, I best not ever see you again. And I fucking threaten him with my brand new, like uh goddishly garish gun.
SPEAKER_01Nice. Right right before he does that, while they're still tied up, I walk over to them and I says, Now remember, I expect co-authorship. I know who you are, and I will be reading the journals. Don't make me come looking for you.
SPEAKER_03Uh this is the first time that you've seen real terror in their eyes. Um but yeah, so you you kick him out. Alright, cool. And then uh, so you guys are like buttoning up the ship and Sam uh she really does uh she really did a number. It's uh maybe her best work, yeah? And uh but you you button up the ship and you get ready to fly out. Uh I mean it's still very broken, but you'll be able to limp back to Dock Station Theta without anybody getting like blasted into the sea sky. So I mean it's gonna be a long, you know, crappy journey, but you'll you'll make it back. But uh Tegan, I assume you're the one that puts uh Josephine back in her tomb.
SPEAKER_10Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Can I get an instinct reaction roll from you, please?
SPEAKER_10Sure. That's a thirteen.
SPEAKER_03Thirteen. Alright, that that would just barely do ya. So you go to put her back in, and you know, she's wearing the makeup and she gets out of her blue dress, which she does so with great resignation. Uh but she like leaves the makeup on. And she goes, Tegan, I this might be the best day of my life. Uh, and as the tube goes up around her, uh, you can see, like, after she's like dried out quite a bit from being out of the tube, that just before the milky fluid, like, you know, passes up over her and fills up the tube, you realize she bears a striking resemblance to someone you've seen before. With that gray skin and the long, slender neck and limbs, those very large eyes. Oh, Koala gets it. Uh, for the listeners, Koala's got a big devious smile. Uh, I don't know if Glitch gets it. She's side-eyeing the shit out of me. Uh, I don't think Tegan gets it. Nope. No. Okay. Well, he did roll high enough for me to tell you. So I will tell you that, you know, with the exception of the gold eyes, she is a spitting image for a felion. And with that, we're gonna end the session! Special thanks to our sound guy! Uh, Daring Depress for creating Daggerheart, the awesome game we're playing, and to our incredible fans. Don't forget to like, subscribe, comment. Five stars, that whole thing is the number one way to help the show. Colossus of the Crux is part of the Witch Key March universe. If you're interested in playing in any of the associated games, you can find them on startplaying.games, and we will see you. Uh, technically, we're in between seasons, so we'll see you in the next season. Later on, see you.
SPEAKER_01Don't build bottles.
SPEAKER_03Don't build whatever.